Ry Ry's Song

@restaurant

2009-06-15T16:15:00.001+08:00

Di sebuah restoran di sebuah shopping mall di sebuah pekan di terengganu...

Waiter : (Cube untuk bermesra dengan pelanggan)
Eh, akak ni muka nampak macam tak sihat jer, akak ok ke?
Huda: (Memberikan jawapan dengan jujur sekali)
Tak berapa sihat..sebab makan kambing kat sini la semalam! terus rasa nak demam!

Setelah order diambik dan makanan telah dilicinkan..waiter tu datang sekali lagi..cubaan kedua untuk beramah mesra dengan pelanggan..

Waiter : Ooo..akak yang duduk meja tepi kat sana semalam kan? Semalam nampak lain, hari ni nampak lain..
Kak R**: Memangla lain dik..semalam die makan KAMBING, hari ni gemuk sikit, jadi lain. Hari ni die makan 2 biji BURGER, kalo datang lagi esok, sure muka die lain lagi!

Lesson learnt : Jangan makan di kedai yang sama 2 hari berturut2 secara banyak!

h a m p a

2009-04-27T16:45:00.000+08:00

entah kenapa rasa macam frust...padahal takde sebab nak frust...at the same time takde sebab nak happy tak tentu pasal...hmmm...

poor

2009-04-23T15:57:00.001+08:00

somebody told me that its not your fault when your father is poor. it becomes your fault when your father-in-law is...

hmmm...

ayat kejam giler...tapi still logic...masih tetap kejam...

demam lagi...

2009-04-20T09:40:00.001+08:00

haihhh...

tak habes2...

rantai bini firaun...

2009-04-14T19:32:00.001+08:00

setelah pk ngn tak seberapa panjang...me pun dah beli itu barang...pastu punyer la puas hati nyer...walaupun duet dah terbang~

gadis2 sumer giler tak support...ma'am sorg je kata cantek!!! sayang mak~~!!! muahsss...

tapi self conscious gak takut nampak cam org jakun...hehehe...tapi nafsu i dah merantai akal, so pasrah je la...

sungai ape yang seksi kawan2?~

2009-04-13T17:09:00.001+08:00

!!!sungai sendat !!!sungai sendat

hahaha...

i went for a recreational hike in sungai sendat waterfall yesterday...harini saket semua badan...Ouch ouch OOOUuucchhHH...sumer saket...tapi bile saket2 badan rasa sungguh macho...Ouuchhh

my teva got tested and it passed beyond expectation...superb okey my shoes...sungguh membanggakan...it performed exceptionally well in wet and slippery condition, unlike the lafumas and timberlands used by the other hikers...i got up and down without the fatigue induced nausea i got the last hike...even more things to be proud of...

got bitten by 12 leeches...jeepers...luckily this time it doesnt cost me a trip to the doc...so all in all, mission accomplished and i'm superbly happy...

wee~!!

oh ya luper...anam was with me and he performed even better...he was the first one up and down, well of course, the first one after the heavily injured guide...poor fahmie...

takpat lagi...

2009-04-10T09:06:00.001+08:00

this is the first time in my life that i wanted a thing, read: thing, and not man that it hits the point where it is impossible to sleep...

tapi patut kah beli? ia sgt menarik...

ape la rai...mak ko pun tak shopping cam ko...tak segan ke membazir2?

tapi abah kata tak membazir...die suh beli jer...

tapi bile pk balek...mmg tak bazir pun, leh jadi investment...

tapi nt nk kene duk keteh sebulan cane? kedit card perlu bayar kerana nk kene bayar hotel nt takde duet...

saya tau ape yg saya perlu ader...

SUGAR DADDY satu~

kalao dpt dua or tiga pun kira okei la...

:)

[jeepers!!! nk masuk neraka ke ape ko ni haa???]

lama sungguh takde mood nk update

2009-04-09T12:04:00.001+08:00

if i were a reader...bosan giler kalao org tak update blog dier....

tapi i rasa mcm takde mood nk update mine...

Unburnt Hormones

2009-03-13T10:11:00.002+08:00

Do you know that whenever you are strangely agitated, it is an indication that your hormones got shaken? When that happens, it also means that there is an excessive dose of hormones in your system, at least more than what you need to function normally…

One way to burn it down is to exercise…

Alamak…tak sempat la nk habeskan article ni…

cik gembira...lama saya cari awak...

2009-03-11T21:19:00.001+08:00

harap2 saya tak perlu cari lama2 lagi...

veronica was bored with her life when she decides to die

2009-02-26T11:05:00.001+08:00

isk...ape pasal la bosan dengan hidup sendiri ni...

i need some adrenaline pumping activities. NEED. jadi sila berikan cadangan anda.

ape ape je la setan!!!

2009-02-03T12:56:00.003+08:00

isk kenapa la malas nk keje ni. 2 tahun keje kat COG, i never woke up dreading work. skrg kat GHSE jadi pulak.

dear Allah,
please make sure that i love you more than the all beautiful things you created. please make sure i remember you above everything else and please give me enough humility to know that i am not the best in everything and i shall strive to do my best all the time.

on doing my best...sila lihat usaha saya yang sehabes baek utk merencatkan pencapaian saya sebagai seorg staff

Boss: Raihana, find me Rose's number
Me: I don't have her number
Boss: Get it for me

...after 3 minutes and 13 seconds

Boss: Raihana, where's the number
Me: Belum ade lagi
Boss: Cepat sikit!!!

wadefakkk la kan?

...after another 2 mins

Boss: Mana number tu?
Me: Belum ade lagi, she's not at her desk
Boss: Macam mana u cari?
Me: I tanya budak2 kat level 10, she's not at her desk and they don't have her number. duk satu level leh jerit2 aje

dalam masa yg sama

BossLaen: Ade la dalam directory. U cari la
Boss: I'm got some other work to do. Nvm, i've gotten Raihana to find it for me
BossLaen: Our website kan ade, itu la you, taknak guna

sudahnya...boss sendiri fuming. Miahaha

and later during lunchtime, when BossLaen is not at her place

Boss: Tadi i suruh u cari Rose's number, u cari tak???
Me: Cari
Me: o~~~~ u tak dgr i talk on the phone ke. we have this thing we call communicator and i just msg them for her information.

padahal...sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui.

your eyes are a pair of important tools

2009-01-28T16:17:00.003+08:00

when u do not read carefully, you take the information wrongly, thus you have just successfully contributed and additional RM10 for the war in Palestin. hehehe.

i shall now read line by line...

i see the issue

2009-01-28T13:31:00.002+08:00

i am single, i see the issue. but i do not see anything that's likable. only Capt. Noor and him alone. does chad michael murray counts? love-sick-puppy. but he is obvi-fucking-ously taken. he hasn't asked me out yet, and how many hints can you drop kan? [loser rai]

i'm sick in the head

my aunt, the only one who has seen arwah nasa before asked me if there is anyone at all i like. thing is, guys are jerks even when they chose you first, what more if they are the chosen ones. so malas la nak pilih u all, i want u to pick me. if i see anything that i like, i will let u know, FIRST. well, first after mom, dad, sisters, brother, and my other parents and maybe maklong, for as long as she is my bed-mate

ravi ke, kanda ke, jalil ke, halim ke or even yogi ke...sume tak meet criteria for all the obvious reasons. i should not even consider considering them. hehehe. they can pay for whatever they want off-the-rack, but not this girl, i'm not yours. i can be your arm candy, but lets just leave it there, at arms length.

i am going for my baseline assessment tom and i haven't prepared and the adorable elderlies in the office are demanding for my undivided attention. how can it be undivided when there is 7 of u there? gile ke hape?

!go

some friend

2009-01-20T20:58:00.000+08:00

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Accepting

No matter what a friend says or does, you try your best to understand it.

And your friends feel like they can tell you anything. You don't judge.

You know that friendship is a journey - with a lot of ups and downs.

If you and a friend grow apart, you get over it quickly... and leave the potential for future friendship open.

You tend to have many friends from many walks of life. Anyone you meet is could become a friend.

In fact, you are especially interested in people who are a little different than you. Seeing life from another perspective is something you cherish.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else with their secrets

You really can't be friends with: Dogmatic, stubborn people

Your friendship quote: "Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

agenda gian blogging

2009-01-20T17:58:00.001+08:00

You Hardly Remember Your Ex

You're definitely not a psycho, and you probably don't even think of your ex often.

You've moved on, and your life is the better for it.

Just remember to remember why the two of you did break up - so you don't fall for him again!

Are You a Psycho Ex-Girlfriend?

i want to be that person. i want to move on, no. i've moved on, i want to date again.

baru arini saya tahu saya tak suka kicap

2009-01-20T12:25:00.002+08:00

when my mother fries, i always tell her...

"maam buat bihum goreng takyah kicap mesti sedap"

or

"nasik goreng merah2 la...tanak kicap langsung"

or

"ala...pakai garam la, watpe kicap"

on top of that, i don't like yellow mee. it kills my appetite. but today, mom fried yellow mee for breakfast, i took just one bite for appreciation. i know how difficult it is for a working lady to prepare breakfast.

and...

"!!!ya allah sedapnye mee ni"...terus tapao satu tupperware bawak g keje...n i realized the mee is fried without kicap...so maknanya...selama ni bukan la tak suka mee kuning...tapi sbnrnya tak suka kicap...hehehe

this is the day that i am supposed to be involved with many things

2009-01-15T11:28:00.001+08:00

keje ade banyak...and theres so much more than just work to tell the world. but i don't know what went wrong with blogger or my office's server or proxy setting that i don't get to update as often as i would like to.

so arini tetiba die mcm ok...[read: mcm ok] nak tau ok ke tak kene tgk la whether or not this entry really get posted later. so mcm bole la nk update kan?

life is supposed to be bigger, better and happier.

and yar, one of my other resolution for this glorious year of 2009 is to settle my credit card debts. i will be on cash all the time. hehe

i'm naming my car Capt. Noor

2009-01-12T13:51:00.003+08:00

tgk sekali suka...tgk dua kali lagi suka...tgk banyak2 kali jatuh cinta. miahaha

he made me smile for days~ booster dose ni tau...

bile aku nk upload takleh upload

2009-01-05T17:54:00.000+08:00

simple wish.

new year, new love

AMIN

heartbreaking...

2008-11-22T09:18:00.002+08:00

see THIS...

run!!! run for your life!!!

2008-11-20T09:23:00.002+08:00

saya sesungguhnye tak sporty apetah lagi nak menjadi atlit. masa sekolah dulu kalao lumba baru tu mmg semput die lebih dari lari.

tapi...bagi melayan ketagihan saya terhadap benda2 glemer...saya dah terjebak dengan 1st Putrajaya International 12 Hour Walk which will be held on December 13-14, 2008.

Isk...kene start training ni. Naseb baek Aliff dah agree nak jadi my nite-walk buddy. Isk...

semalam sengal arini lagi sengal

2008-11-18T09:53:00.002+08:00

i hate it when schools are having their year-end break. its the time when me mommy, and me 3 sisters will be lazing around at home thus somehow infecting me with the blue... i foresaw that this is going to drag on til end of december...

ya ALLAH malasnye...

pagi tadi aku bangun yang budak 2 org tu mmg tgh sakan meringkuk dalam penjara [bukan selimut tu yg tanak bebaskan diorg...diorg sendiri yg rela terpenjara dek bantal + selimut] and maam pulak masih lagi tayang muka ngantuks...

isk

bahu merah angkara senapang

2008-11-15T19:21:00.002+08:00

went to learn shooting today...so minggu ni dah di-declare kan sebagai minggu show-off...mana nak dapat ade org tau menembak kan? saya antara insan terpilih tahu menembak...cool, super cool.

the armies warned me earlier..."ketagih ni karang"...sumpah aku tak pecaya...now i know, cakap jgn berlagak sahaja...skrg kan sudah mau lagi...

some of the weirdest terms i learnt today;

tenang (or maybe aim in layman's term)
detail (macam your shooting group sequence)...ade detail 1, 2, 3
cekah is what they do when they want to ensure that u have fired all your bullets

itu je kot for now...hehe

sumpah ku mau pegi lagi...i'll start manifesting

nak tawu ape jadi...

2008-11-14T15:58:00.002+08:00

my hunk, my capt., my hot guy is actually old...ok la, rephrase, ancient. i was told he has 20 years working experience, in shipping alone!!! sawan... i wonder how old is he actually...

tapi tak kira...die maseh hot...

die menarik perhatian saya...

2008-11-12T08:59:00.002+08:00

kami ade beri training...i shall say the TPs yang bagi training...i attended partly to be their crowd puller [bajet comel la tu] and mostly because i should participate and learn as well...

so the group that attended the training were seafarers. kuda laut~~~ i was beyond thrilled...ecstatic i may say...sukeee~~~ ni sume angkara my previous experience on board M/T BK8 in april this year...i was instantly in love~~~

so this time, our TPs are supposed to go on board of M/T BM7 end of this month and some equipments were arranged to be on board earlier than the assessment team. so i have heard of this guy's name before...

when i introduced myself, i ok lagi, xde la cam kene tarik magnet ke ape ke...tapi when he smiled at me je... zasss instantly ok??? i was so drawn in by his effects that i could not turn away...sket2 nak tgk die jugak...

he communicates with his eyes...die ni tau aku dah tangkap lentok ngn die ni...confident je die flirt balek...tapi thanks to him...sbb die, aku happy 2 hari... sbb die aku tau aku leh jatuh cinta lagi...sbb die aku dpt nk rasa bersyukur allah bagi aku peluang untuk jatuh cinta lagi...

sbb die...aku berdoa aku akan jumpa org tu...

AMIN

how to(s)

2008-11-06T11:55:00.002+08:00

if there is just one thing i want to do or learn to do, its mending a broken heart and most preferably MINE.

on the other note, i receive a complementary hair-do hehe. ajeep bagi. he has set the appointment and all, i just have to make myself present in KLCC on SATURDAY~ there goes my plan to fast on that day. maybe i can go for a good breakfast with Goof instead before meeting ajeep. !wee

razifom : i think i can show u nanti
razifom : sabtu ni?
razifom : lepas we get ur hair cut

Rai Ramlan : adekah ini bermakna rambut i sorg je burok?

razifom : hah? apsai pulak
razifom : tak terlintas pun

Rai Ramlan : lepas we get ur hair cut <-- hehehe macam i nye rambut ni ade kutu or something
Rai Ramlan : ahahaha

razifom : hehe...rambut u kan super da natural

!ya rite. the way u say it really macam my hair is really bad and i ignore its ugliness and you have to drag me to get it fixed. AS IF. hehe

but that was a good one brother. just about time for a good hair fix. can't wait.

superpower

2008-11-04T11:36:00.001+08:00

superwoman eik? nak tau macam mana aku leh jadi superwoman? what is my superpower?

hati aku bukan sahaja boleh dipatah2kan malah boleh dihancur2kan banyak2 kali. selamba

sape ade super power macam i? nak share?

sape kata aku tak feminin?

2008-11-04T08:22:00.002+08:00

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl		95%
Wonder Woman		90%
Green Lantern		70%
Spider-Man		55%
Superman		50%
Robin		45%
Catwoman		45%
The Flash		45%
Hulk		40%
Batman		30%
Iron Man		30%

Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Feminine ape aku ni? ok la tu kan? cuma aku ade kelebihan leh jalan dalam api. mmg selama ni aku jalan2 dalam api pun. mana ade org jalan tgh panas melecur2 cam aku ni haaa...

so...matahari sama mcm api...

terima kenyataan

i do not do something because it is the right thing to do

2008-10-29T08:21:00.004+08:00

i told u, i am not traditional.

i always not so gung ho about cam-whoring (most of the times, i dun look best in photos) and singing in public. but i tell you, this is a living testimony of a girl gone wild.

so when i say i dun normally look my best in photos, that doesnt stop me from cam-whoring rite? i oh so do not do/not do something just because it is the right thing to do. oh so not me.

evil grin behind the oh so rajin team-mates. thank you Allah for letting me off.

imagine the guy behind me in stripey red polo shirt at 0000 hrs especially immediately after you having a not-so-decent dream bout him and you, not him and some other random girl. jalapeño chillies hot

oh so fake smiley. hehehe. try smiling beside a guy who always takes a swipe at you.

oh so not happy cuz i've foreseen the photo will not be good.

that doesn't stop me rite? i shall not stop.

p/s oh so random entry

have i the right to be angry?

2008-10-28T08:42:00.005+08:00

mohd nasaruddin abd rahman got married last weekend [i presume]. anuar showed me his invitation card but since the card is one of those which has the invites to the groom's reception only, i am quite clueless as to when is the solemnization. the muar reception is on November 1st thus, i suspected the nikah has got to be any day last weekend.

y do i care so much? that is a tough nut to crack babe... he got married and i got pissed off.

have i the right to be angry?

i am angry cuz i was cheated right under my nose. he made me believe that its all going to be fine in the end, but he left me heartlessly without a sensible explanation. bastard.

i am angry cuz the people who love me the most got deceived by his konon-saintly behavior and thought that i was the one initiating the breakup. i got even more pissed off when they thought i was the problem. your head.

i am angry cuz he has the guts to actually invite my friends to his reception. the people whom the was the one to notify about our relationship. after all that he has done, i could not comprehend how he could still have the heart to humiliate me some more.

i am angry cuz instead of being loved and cherished, now i am being pitied. pls understand that i do not seek comfort, i seek for my self worth and i need to do it on my own.

i am angry cuz my reputation got tarnished by someone who is not even a dime-worthy.

i am angry cuz I, of all the people, let it happen to ME.

have i the right to be angry? tell me

perluke sembahyang

2008-10-24T11:15:00.002+08:00

this is a highly sensitive subject to a muslim and i have to say that you do not have to agree with me.

i have issues with this. my parents highly emphasized on marrying a somebody who prays at least the compulsory 5. well, maybe because their daughter is not a traditional muslim. but...

throughout the course of my life, i found out that, the pureness of your thoughts and feelings are purely not related to the many times you prayed and the countless times you took maximum care of your behavior i.e, hijab, fasting, zakat, sedekah, kenduri, reciting the holy quran, and many more. [i told u, i am not traditional, thus my knowledge is minimal]

i dated somebody who prays only when the occasion merits it and some other who gets agitated even if the occasion so much as caused a delayed prayer. to quote a dear friend of mine, 'baby, you are on number 17 and counting'. that is the number of bigger boys [since i do not believe in the existence of men] i've seen.

faith is something that is very hard to define what more comprehend. i feel that it is something bestowed unto you by the Almighty. if you have faith, you will seek Him and insyaAllah find him. He will lead your way.

i have to say that some get really cocky 'thinking' they are religious. they become careless in their dealings with man.

thus...

i came to a conclusion and also a new year resolution. i shall stop looking for a potential husband by looking at his relationship with Allah.

kalao die tak sembahyang, he is not dragging me along with him to hell. however, if he doesn't ensure that i practice as i am supposed to, he is so going to rot in hell together with me.

tak ada benda pasang siap atas dunia ni. of course, i want a perfect life by my definition, but i too, have to be realistic. maybe Allah knows that i can bring a world of good to someone life. or maybe, i have drifted far from His path and He wants me to find Him.

my only prayer is, please do not let me forget my duties to You and help me to answers to Your callings. AMIN.

menyetan

2008-10-15T09:17:00.002+08:00

R: Lan, tolong beli ais bole? air batu bodo aje.
L: Laa...air batu je?
R: Aah
L: Okei
R: Time kasehhh...

about 30 minutes after that, he came back...

L: Alamakkk rai...tadi hujan lebat sampai terlupa nk beli ais u.
R: Tappe, its okay...
L: Ais aje, tak penting kan?
R: Ade ke tak penting, keje byk lg nk wat, blkg i dh sakit2. ais tu nk tuam2 blkg ni

hahaha padan muka. ade ke tanya centu. nk buat air la bang. L45 ni xde fridge, kene la beli ais kat luar...

cita-citaku: Speedy 30 Mini Lin

2008-10-14T08:38:00.003+08:00

Saya mau ini...sesungguhnya saya mau.

i want the whole world to know that i heart and crave for this. my baby, oh well, not mine yet but she is definitely a babe. hot one, i may say. saya mau, saya mau. i'm going going to fast and wish for it. i am so going to do it.

just for my speedy 30 mini lin.

santa claus

2008-10-13T16:44:00.001+08:00

/me practice jalan cam santa claus. seksaan. tapi perlu terus mencuba.

p/s: agenda malas update

yang tiada mood raya

2008-10-06T08:58:00.002+08:00

asalnya dari yang tiada mood raya hanya mahu bekerja...kepada yang tiada mood kerja langsung...

i am in deep trouble.

while you were away...

2008-09-26T08:41:00.002+08:00

dear you,
while you were away, i was lonely. you know how hard it is to witness other people smooching in the public while i was totally alone to nurse the longing, i'm sure you've been feeling it too. its more common at your place.

while you were away, i've done a lot of thinking. i think that you are such a great person and i really don't deserve you. and...there is this girl who has been returning my ever-so-subtle-close-to-no attention. she is working near me, we ran into each other a lot.

while you were away, i try to understand why are you always whining about meeting up, time and calls. i know you missed me and lord knows how much i've been missing your company. and i think maybe, just maybe you want to date somebody that can be by-your-side [literally] all the time.

then, without even realizing, i started giving the other girl even more attention and appreciation. suddenly, i realized that i went too far. i sort of feel the comfort of her presence.

you don't know how sorry i am right now. i know that you really don't deserve this kind of treatment. i know i've been giving you false hopes and on bad times been mean to you. it was all my fault. i will never be able to tell you how much remorse i am feeling right now.

i hope, you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me someday.

that was my own rendition of mohd nasaruddin abd rahman apology if he was ever going to be given the chance to make me listen/read. or dalam bahasa melayu die...

"Salam. Selamat berpuasa. I hrp u sihat. I cuma nk minta maaf byk2 kat u. Kalo blh I nk bersemuka ngn u ntok minta maaf n menerangkn segala2nya."

the hell???

especially after "dh dicuri org"

dear mister, i have to tell you that forgiving you is hard even when i don't want to do so. so i want you to just imagine how hard it is when i really want to for goodness sake. for the love of everything that holy, i want you to know that i will forgive you when i want to but i will NEVER forget.

no matter how nice i am, you are still an ARSE. so i will NEVER be nice to you. !!!take note

alive

2008-09-24T22:13:00.002+08:00

ever experience numbness? you have this creepy feeling that you can't quite describe as it blocks you from every sensation that colors your life. you can't cry, can't smile, can't push yourself too much cuz you don't know when will you snap into two.

ring a bell? no? i've been getting it lately. more and more i might say. i gives some freedom though. i am no longer mood reliant. i can put on any mask at my convenience. whenever i feel like glowing, i will sing and smile for no reason, so is when i feel like being ryrevenge.

my heartbeat is ceased to exist? gedit? no? my adrenaline has not been working for a while. nothing excites me as much as it could do a while ago, and less and less thing seemed significant. my optimism and hope thin.

i have my drug, my poison, my cure. i feel the need to torture myself, well, not literally - fools. i constantly push myself a little bit towards the bad side as i thought pain is easier to achieve. i am well assured that my sanity will keep me in check but i will on going like this as i want to know where will this take me.

i want to witness miracle. i am going to do this to myself, let it happen.

i am a tad too young for the kind of things that i heart

2008-09-12T09:07:00.002+08:00

datuk b.ernard chandran official supporter

2008-09-11T08:34:00.007+08:00

ok...now lets not say anything yet until you have made sure u have read on his most recent achievement. read theSun september 10, 2008 in his lifestyle section. DBC has just manged to push through a triathlon. wao wee. he is one of the very few that we have. i am so proud of him.

on top of that, i am strangely elated. maybe because it somehow made me think that maybe, just maybe, it is possible for me too. but running to 10 km? running heh. aiyooo hard to imagine la. actually the running is the last part. first, swim 1.5 km, cycle 40km then only la run for 10 km. tatau la can or not. but it can be a good pursuit.

i am no sportsman. never was any. i can't even bowl right, or pool well, despite the fact of rigorous training by goof. so if, say in the future years i am sent to regional offices, i can have the time to exercise, work out, train, and try it out. first, i have to learn to swim. after that, get myself a bike. lastly, work on my run.

i can walk. i can walk long distance. walking is never a prob. as long as i have a good sandal on, i'm good to go. but running, so far, has never worked. but if the datuk fashion designer can do it, so do i. amin, amin ya rabbal alamin.

ceh...tinggi cita-cita i kan?

rindu...

2008-09-09T15:24:00.001+08:00

hati rindu, mata rindu, hidung rindu, hati rindu...

macam mana la nak ubat hati ni...

when dreams are not just what they are

2008-09-08T08:40:00.002+08:00

there is this one guy i dream on more than just one time. he has 'pot amir' hair and features. he has a name. he came around whenever i am about to break up. i can say that he is my imaginary boyfriend. he gave me hope. hope that i will meet another guy. hehehe.

my dream was so surreal i sometime let myself think that i will meet him in the future. when i was with arwah n.asa, i dream of him once. i didn't give it much thought as it came when my relationship was so new. i thought whatever squabbles that we had were just a process of getting to know each other. should i know that my relationship is about to end the way it did, i would have taken the note and enjoy the relationship wickedly. but i did not. i thought he is just a dream. just another dream.

last night, i had a dream. a dream in ramadhan when the satans are all locked up in dungeons. i slept after solat, and reciting yassin. i thought there is something to it. i told myself not to bother but i just couldn't. i woke up hyperventilating realizing its close to 0400 and got upset and its hard to fall asleep again.

i wanted to pray but i was so pre-occupied with scary thoughts i don't want to risk praying half-heartedly. so i just re-fresh my wudhu's and helplessly try to force myself to sleep again.

in my dream i met n.asa with 'that' girl. she is somebody i would never ever in my life feel insecure to. she is just a plain-ani [malaysia aper, otherwise she can be plain-jane, or plain-mary]. she is plain. plain in every-way-i-could-possibly-think-of.

while forcing myself back to sleep, i pray pray pray that i don't have to run into him. whoever the girl is. i don't want to know. let bygones be bygones. its done and over with. i just want to move on and be better.

how i managed my father's siblings

2008-09-05T08:20:00.004+08:00

abah, or better known as boss (i call my father boss) has freaks as family.

maklong is the sensitive one,
dol/pak besar is the one i hate the most,
mak it is quite neutral,
odin /angah is cynical and i always try to match up to his capability,
bok is also irritating at times,
mama apa can be gruesome on bad days,
and then theres my dear boss,
acik raman passed away when he was very small due to high fever,
acik mizi is fairly nice,
mak bit sells nasi lemak and always choose not to receive our money,
mak encek is a very nice lady with a sense of humor,
acik bai is hard-headed u.mno supporter,
makzu is born unde-privileged,
makti used-to-be-my-father's-favorite-younger-sister is now a millionaire,
and last but not least, pakmi who has an affair with my cousin from my mother's side and caused his whole family; wife and kids, to be separated from him. sometimes i give him the i-told-you-so -look though i have never said anything to him, but i'm pretty sure someone else did.

the girls are normally the easier ones to live with, at least for more than a day. but the boys are tough. i would not want to be left alone with them for even 10 minutes. they can effortlessly say mean thing that makes me feel like strangling them.

one example;

"tadi dah plan nak tanya adik yang jual air ni macam mana die buat. tapi tengok muka die monyok aje, tak jadi la"

'orang makan gaji, ujan ke, panas ke, keje ke, tak ke, ujung bulan duit jatuh kat riba orang meniaga ni lain, kalao ari tak baik, sesen pun tak leh nak dapat. bukan senang nak dapat duit org.'

"(woi!!!, ape ko igt aku ni makan gaji buta ke??? president pun keje keras ok???)"

this is what i did to spare their lives;

"acik, acik dah ade makanan dah nak buka?"
'ade dah, kitorg bawak banyaaakkk'
"la...apesal tak cakap nak datang, leh rai beli kueh extra tadi. jom rai bawak pegi pasar ramadhan?"
'eh tak payah la, kuih pun kitorg ade bawak'
"mmm...ok"
'rai, mak dah balik?'
"ade kat rumah dah. acik nak pegi rumah ke?"
'itu la, tadi igtkan nak buka kat rumah ngan korang'
"la...kalao acik tau macam mana nak pegi rumah boleh la. macam mana rai nak bawak acik pegi rumah, rai pun buka kat sini"

(semua buat muka seposen)

hehehe. kelakar la korang ni. kelakar jugak dapat buli korang sikit. takde nye aku nak pegi meredah jalan raya kuala lumpur di kala hari hujan semata-mata nak membenarkan korang ade tempat selesa untuk berbuka puasa. tak kuasa. especially bila odin ade dalam group. tak tahan telinga aku nak menanggung.

so dengan paksa rela, mereka berbuka dengan kami kat hospital. wao wee~

a cry baby, no more

2008-09-04T13:21:00.002+08:00

i am crying less and less now. i still waste a tear or two over it but i can safely say that i have moved on. i can listen to anuar zain without shedding a tear. i feel its cool cuz i love anuar zain too much to stop listing to him at all! i am happy that i am no longer grieving (too much).

on top of that, i am back wearing n.asa's favorite shirts and blouses. i avoided everything that has any significance at all to arwah. now, i feel normal plus a little bit of loneliness. no longer hating my samsung hp, i've been trying my luck at a burberry watch. with luck, she can be my baby soon.

i have had a few more tearless days. i can even have a good few days without grieving over my loss. ya rite, its his loss, never mine. sometimes, i even tested my survival skills. i will bring myself back to the times when we were together but most of the times, the good memories are easier ones to recall.

people say its easier to forget when you keep on playing the memories of the not-so-good times. for me, the good times are harder to forget. they stay clear. the bad times are too hurtful. so i re-played the good times so that its normal to miss so that one good day i can completely get over him and even feel grateful for being given the opportunity to meet someone else.

tak sabar nak ade new boyfriend. i want want want a new accessory.

wee~

on being me

2008-09-02T12:51:00.007+08:00

i want to be alive. i want to feel life. i want to breathe and embrace.

i cannot be saying it out without actions right? i started marking my independence by joining a recreational hike organized by a group in conjunction with the National Day. we went to Hutan Lipur Hulu Perdik. bestnye bestnye.

when i was small, i wanted to be a nature guide. no, i wanted to do everything, jack of all the trades. that part of me hasn't changed. i am still striving to be one. see what i did the other day~

ok now, it was supposed to he HERE not UP THERE. grrr

lets try again with another photo. !F**K la. tak jadi... why is blogger acting up against me today? marah la ni. instead of appearing HERE, the blardy thing went UP THERE right before the first one.

try again tomorrow la...

anyhow, beautiful ain't it?

i deserve a novel

2008-08-20T18:49:00.002+08:00

a: apelah payah sangat kesah cinta ko ni kak...layak di buat novel ni

r: novel mendenye...nangis aje

a: aku harus buat novel. biar nanti anak aku tau bercinta ni tak mudah. ko, contohnye, siksa aje

r: aah iye lah

a: derita itu indah kak. ko mesti faham

well, for a while i really thought it is going to be over soon. my journey to find my man. the one i would spend my lifetime with and also the one who is willing to spend his the rest of his miserable life with me. hehe

i am still counting days to a tear-less day. i have not met any. i hope i am going to be blessed with one soon. heart-ache free day. how nice. at least a good start for lovely days ahead.

i also notice that the grieve not only managed to take my spirit, my smiles, but also few inches from my hip. yippie~ i guess i was really heart broken. the tailored pant i made in bangkok is really loose. it hangs well below my low-cut g-string and i have only worn in once before. aiseyyy

adik, i want you to know that i meant well by not telling you. i am sure you have more things to worry on. i prefer to tell you nice stories. ure under confinement, you do not need my sorrow to add up to your other worries.

to baby mia, angah, acik, iqa nur, akak, atin, ayz... from deep within, i really hope that none of you will have to go through this. it hurts for me, it hurts mom.

ma'am, thank you for being my pillar of strength. thank you for listening and being such a supporting buddy you are. thank you for understanding that i have done my very best. thank you for being you.

to friends, ajid, shah, hajar, mohsen, asda, lidd, sarah, aisha, fara, frisha, shaza, and last but not least goof, thank you for being there. thank you for staying on with this cry baby.

determined to be happy

2008-08-20T11:18:00.001+08:00

my mind is determined to be happy but i don't know whether or not my heart understood it perfectly. i really hope my mind and heart can work together. AMIN

a girl? a woman?

2008-08-15T09:48:00.002+08:00

somebody sent this to me. i find it somewhat shrewd and would like to relate it to my own experience. from my own judgment, i am somewhere in between the two. not a girl, not yet a woman..

For all the girls out there. This maybe a good read for you to prepare urself of being a 'matured women'....

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
**he was only around once in a while. to make up for all the time being apart, i will try to squeeze him in my schedule. i want our relationship to be as fulfilling to him as well as to myself. but then again, if he wants it to happen as much as i do, he would have spared more time for me**

Matured women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits
**once i was totally mad at him. he planned to come down a day early for his meeting in KL. but then, i was told that his boss ask him to take the fixed-wing. so we were only able to meet up on the meeting day itself, which also happens to be my off-day. i took leave to attend to pending and piling chores. so ok la we met up over breakfast, but he failed to text me upon touching down so i was late by 30 mins or so and was very upset. i think i wrote an entry about it**

Girls want to control the man in their life.
**i truly believe that what you don't understand doesn't necessarily be wrong. so if anyone can put some sense into my head, i will try to accept the logic behind your action**

Matured women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.
**well yeah if he is a man. the point is, there is no men, only bigger boys**

Girls check you for not calling them.
Matured women are too busy to realize you hadn't.
**i can understand the fact the you are probably busy with work and life, but at times we are just plain worried if you are being quiet too long**

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Matured women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.
**i don't like being alone or man-less. i am too lovely to be single. but i am also grateful for the freedom to be myself as my most recent ex attitude doesn't allow me to totally be myself. it doesn't happen to my other relationships**

Girls ignore the good guys.
Matured women ignore the bad guys.
**i am always dating nice guys. the malays are the ones to broke my heart. without fail. plus, guys are nice when they are trying to pick you up**

Girls make you come home.
Matured women make you want to come home.
**i am normally a woman on this. but i also make it a point to say it out loud at times when the sleeping alone part is no longer tolerable**

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Matured women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.
**anything with tits and vagina is pretty.**

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (I.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Matured women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends!
**i love being with my girls. i prefer my man to have his own set of friends. i love hanging out with his friends if they can accept me for who i am and if he is proud showing me around and i definitely appreciate it if he wants to occasionally meet up with mine**

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Matured women offer their shoulder and a tissue.
**i always want to be my man's bestfriend. if he is comfortable to confide in me, i am more than glad to be there for him**

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Matured women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.
**i love love love public display of affection and i spoil my man with lots and lots of attention. i am not happy dating one who minds a little hand-holding and quick pecks in public**

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Matured women know that, that was just one man.
**i only do revenge to deserving ones**

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Matured women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back and move on, without bitterness.
**i really want to move on now..**

hope the hurt ones one there will read this and get and attitude. i really want to forgive and forget but i am afraid that it is something remotely possible for the time being. so, i have no other option but to let the wound heal naturally while at the same time praying real hard.

anger management

2008-08-14T09:07:00.003+08:00

10 months were robbed away from me. not only shortchanged, i was also cheated. i had mood swings and countless of tearful days and that was when i was with him.

its my 7th day being single-again and i hadn't spent a day without a tear. i looked ok but i am still in denial. i could not accept the fact that somebody can actually do so much damage to my life. ungrateful bastard.

i should have left him long time ago, but i guess this is really fated to happen to me that i waited until it happened. i have never received such humiliation before. the harder part is to accept the fact that it still hurts even when its over.

i wish god will show you the way to this post and i really want you to know that i wanted so badly to hit you, physically.

i am so glad you are my bestfriend...

2008-08-11T11:46:00.002+08:00

goof, my bestfriend of i don't know how many years. i am sure its more than 10 blardy years. we met in 1998, january. so this is our 11th year being friends. he carries my dictionary definition of bestfriend. what happened to me recently marked another milestone to our friendship...

he is always around on all ears at anytime at all. he accepts me for who i am and the best part of it is, he doesnt take my tears as a sign of defeat. he listens empathically [if there is such word] and accepts my ramblings as something that is caused by the heat of the moment.

he truly understands that once i have gotten over the situation, i will return to being myself. he understands that whenever i say something mean, it is purely meant for channeling my frustration over the issue and i am truly aware that there is nothing i can say which bears so much correction power to improve the situation. nothing.

he is at the same time, very supportive. its very hard to describe what a wonderful person i have as a friend, but i am eternally grateful to have you as my friend.

what you did the other day humbled me. i have never imagined that you could be that kind and caring. i really hope for better days...

be my friend forever...

:)

Dato' Lat

2008-08-08T16:48:00.002+08:00

Can you believe it? I am sitting right next to Dato' Lat now. Wee...well not exactly that la... actually he is drawing right next to my cube, or shall I say the cube that my boss has to share with me...

i want to steal a pic la...can?

i am...

2008-08-08T15:19:00.000+08:00

recently made single again...

sharing is caring?

2008-07-30T18:26:00.002+08:00

agree? NOooo...? !NO

i've been talking bout my transfer since march. no? yes, i think it was march. or maybe mid-feb. but the process took so long that i am now two days away from it and i still haven't received my letter yet. owh my god. how frustrating.

and this new place, its 11 floors higher than my current place and...i will be sharing the cube with my manager. i dunno when can i blog after this. i need to squeeze squeeze squeeze...

i am praying hard so that life at the new place can be tolerable...AMIN

lact*-fibre

2008-07-29T14:47:00.004+08:00

i've started consuming lact*-fibre daily since july 27th, 2008. actually my mom has been preaching for me to take it for a while now. since i find HL is too pricey, ive been looking for a cheaper alternative. its a very interesting journey as my sis is a HL consumer and i am using a different brand which, i hope can provide competition to HL. [as if i own lact*-fibre]

immediately after consuming i felt that my reflux is reduced. but i can't say for sure since its a long way to go. i've read positive feedbacks on the product. hope it works for me as well.

it tastes just like grass. i really hope it wont turn me into a goat. AMIN. but i must applaud the producer cause they at least tried to make it taste bearable. i can taste a slight hint of lemon which makes it tolerable. at least for now. hope i can continue the battle.

i just read that virgin coconut oil is good for skin and people are claiming that their skin appears yearsss younger after daily intake. i want to give it a try as well. the thing is, i have limited choices which sucks. i want to be able to sample and browse through brands.

i think i have developed sudden and deep fondness towards GNC. goldie will definitely love this. i find that they have this wide range of every fancy thing a health-freak could ever wish for. apple cider in tablet form, olive leaves which alternative medicine lovers swear it works wonders, virgin coconut oil, yes, and virgin coconut oil. promegranate concentrate? owh god, i'm spoilt.

i'm loving it to the bits man...so in love...

social responsibility

2008-07-25T14:09:00.002+08:00

heh. i received this letter from MAA-Medicare Kidney Charity Fund a few weeks back pledging for donations. dunno what to do la. i've never donated a substantial amount of money or contributed a fixed amount monthly to any charity causes. my father has been asking to me pay 'zakat' since the day i started work. belum pun aku start lagi. now ade pulak a not-for-profit body mintak support.

i let the letter unattended for a couple of weeks and then one day, i could find it no-more. wah. hilang la pulak. so i went looking for it, tak jumpa. then suddenly, one day while i was helping out in the kitchen, i let one big plastic bag slipped from my hands and there, among piles of papers is the letter. i knew it, mmg rezeki diorg, i mmg patut donate to them.

at first i was worried that they have this policy in protecting a selected group of people only. read: race. but then, what the heck, tak pe la. who gets it doesn't matter, i meant well. the next thing, came the amount. how much? one time donation or monthly? aiyooo...

while i was contemplating, and put it right at the back of my mind, i talked with dolly about the new salary [alah tambah increment sikit aje]. my increment was above doly for RM5. so i get extra RM5 monthly [kalao compare ngan doli la, i tamo compare ngan org dapat lagi banyak]

so i decided, RM5 monthly. a year i cant even support a patient for a single dialysis session. but i am determined to do it anyway. i want to start doing it. i hope i can make it a habit and increase my contribution next year. maybe not to MAA-Medicare, maybe to someone else, or some other causes. i hope.

Ya,ALLAH...i meant well, i hope it could do my humble self some good. AMIN

no longer..

2008-07-24T08:56:00.002+08:00

i noticed that i no longer scribble my 'fish' whenever i have my hands with a pen. wonder why...

on the other note, yesterday marked a fresh experience. break-fast in a ward. too bad i don't have a pic. we reached much earlier, sometime around 1800 i guess and we chatted until maghrib time. lor...not so fun la waiting leddet... i was so hungry and gassy in my tummy that i could almost feel the sour-bitter-acidic liquid creeping up into my throat [from my stomach, imagine]...

so no fasting today. i want to eat something that can soothe my upset tummy. it keep on grumbling like this one mad uncle. [in my father's family, the weird and hateful ones are from the male species]. so mau makan apekah di hari ini ye?

i want lamb mandy...

got hit, got hitch?

2008-07-08T15:22:00.001+08:00

cupid got me...so now i'm in love...so much in love...so whenever goldie's not by my side, i'm feeling this huge pang of need. needy feeling. i need time, love, attention, hugs, kisses and sweet murmurs. i need my goldie.

he's going back to his hometown today and i am so sick, at work. i always get more time and attention plus extra affection when goldie's with his family. he's more sensitive and attentive. lately i always wanted to follow him. that could happen, no. malu la...

today goldie said 'bestnyeee kalao dekat'. that got me on high...i'm on cloud 9...

we are both sick today, explains the extra affection. i was thinking if we are both sick we can just both lie in bed and be sick all we want...

/me luv sick...

useful

2008-07-03T09:15:00.003+08:00

i was made english speaking by Billy or better known as Sir William in the old days. even though momma was an english teacher we don't converse in that lingo at home. we are more comfortable with our mother tongue. i was not a confident speaker until i was in secondary school.

in secondary one my good friend was a chinese girl who can speak quite well. and later towards the end year of secondary two, i was enrolled in this tiution class conducted by a group of chinese siblings and one guy who tought english. the guy who made us 'english literate' happens to also be the writer in one of the columns st*r newspaper has.

one thing that i love most about this balding guy is, he always come up with something interesting to say despite being this one very weird guy who one can never understand.

he tought me 'to speak in english, you have to think in it'

it works. i swear it works

house chores

2008-07-02T17:39:00.003+08:00

men always sell this story to everyone...'i used to do all house chores when i was single, now that i have a wife, why can't she do all that for me?'

dont they think that when his wife was single, she does all that too...equal load if not more, now that she is married, why can't she stop doing all that just like what being claimed by the hubbies?

weird, unthinkable right?

ali benjol...

2008-06-26T10:47:00.002+08:00

haish... i just got back from bangkok and bangkok was not the bestest place i've been to. so i will definitely think twice before opting for bangkok on my personal expanse. kalao company punya duet takpe. hehe

i reached KL yesterday and june 25 is paklong's birthday. pity us all that he suddenly got even under the weather yesterday and was transferred to the high dependencey ward. sedey...i bought cake, his daughter bought and even bigger cake... he didn't even get to see it...

we were told to wash our hands and reduce talking in his room.

met goldie yesterday, miss miss miss him real bad.

/me lovesick...

brain teaser...

2008-06-18T10:28:00.002+08:00

ali jalan... ali jatuh, kepala ali terhantuk di bahu jalan, ali jalan2 lagi... kawan ali panggil ali... ali toleh belakang tapi kaki tak benti jalan lagi... ali terhantuk kat lampu isyarat pulak... ali gosok2 kepala... patu ali jalan lagi... sampailah ke rumah... ali bin ape?

cuba teka cuba teka...

best kan?

an even better thing... datuk nasaruddin b md idris is currently being married to datin roi hanah bt hassan.. it rhymes isnt it? how nice...

i need my fix...

2008-06-16T12:37:00.001+08:00

i need to feel useful and wanted, clever and indispensible. i need to move and change job... change bf, maybe? hehehe...how i wish i wish...

amazing fact, somebody said i love goldie too much to hurt him, or myself, or the relationship... that surely brought a smile...

carik gado

2008-06-13T09:54:00.003+08:00

i don't know what have happened to me that caused me to lose my sanity and most importantly my dignity. i do what? i made a scene... and when i say a scene, it happened in public... pity goldie.

he came for a meeting a day before yesterday and we met up for breakfast. the fact that my leave is approved liao doesnt help a bit. and goldie, being his usual self 'forget' to call me upon touching down. i was almost an hour late and we only have 30 mins to catch up. saket hati tak? to make things worse, the traffic was literally not moving the entire 3 minutes; i waited.

took an alternative route and made it there in time with lousy mood. muka so takleh tahan ok... i carik gado the wholeee time he was by my side... when his mood also turn c*b*i, i realized, its time to make up. but how to make up?

we've been together for more than 8 months d, but i still sucks at weighing up his moods. lousy la. i took three days to make up with him [without the sex of course, course i still intend to keep myself intact]. lousy lousy...

happy birthday supernasa...

2008-06-02T19:50:00.002+08:00

its goldie's birthday today...i bought him a tie. gagal ok? i can see that he doesnt like it...sceptical aje muka die...macam tak suka la tu kata die...tapi nk wat camne la kan, takkan nak salahkan aku. its kinda good that i failed to buy something that he likes cuz it also means that i seldom buy anything for any other guy. clever girl, right? must make sure i conveyed this thought to him.

i even forgot that today is his birthday until 0700 hrs today. luckily he doesnt have to remind me to be wished. fewhhh... or else, i can foresee that he will throw a fit. well, maybe not. he is too proud to create a drama over a forgetful gf. some more, i made sure he has his present wayyy earlier. clever girl...

yesterday was my mentor's birthday. so i had lunch with her to celebrate. the first time i even get to treat her with anything. she is this one nice honest lady which i adore and i am very pleased to be able to celebrate her birthday with her...kira ok la kan.

too bad for me, i have an upset tummy...

Laparoscopic cystectomy

2008-05-05T18:47:00.002+08:00

hurm...those words are aliens to me until about 2 months ago. i've been bleeding for a while, by a while i mean 2-3 months. so this one lazy day, i went to TTMC just to get consultation and maybe some pills for it. i was hoping they say its hormonal and will give me those small small pills which you have to consume daily... but...no, the doc asked me to go meet a gynae...

so off to a gynae i went, well, after setting up an appointment of course. once he put the probe on my ugly tummy, i can see it, a hugeee black thingy...scared...

the doc explained to me that it is a cyst and said that its best to have it removed immediately and asked me to make myself available for a surgery. i booked myself in as he said that there is nothing much he could tell until he cuts me open... as scared as i ever could, i agreed.

i was put under the knife on april 23rd, 2008 and exactly a month after i was allowed to return to work...now...im back in the picture...nice to be around...

bizi gile...

2008-04-17T08:25:00.003+08:00

humph...

i noticed that i always fail to update regularly especially on the nice happenings during my fun time or happy hours. it is so frustrating as anyone who reads me might think that my life is boring. ok not boring, maybe uneventful... NOT.

i think i tresure my good times more that i become tight-fisted about sharing it with the public. hehehe. however, my logic told me that i should be more stingy with my bad memories as they at the same time reveals my weak points and other people bad habit which is well, bad. my bad habit is always announcing to the world about others'.

i think i should try to write more...share more...

on my own...

2008-04-01T08:45:00.002+08:00

being alone is scary... i don't want to be on my own...

but i am determined to feel happy today... yup... happy... whichever way...

bertepuk sebelah tangan...

2008-03-31T13:16:00.002+08:00

pernah tak terfikir...

kenapa...

masa nak couple tu beriya-iya la minta agreement the other party sbb taknak bertepuk sebelah tangan...taknak syok sendiri...

tapi...

bila nak clash...you just need one person to take the shot...

ever wonder why?

nak tulis pasal ape eik...

2008-03-28T08:18:00.002+08:00

kawan ry yang best is getting married...i guess. the last time we met he told me that he is very positive with the idea. and he is doing his solat istikharah just to be extra sure with his decision... if its on, then its gonna be the end of this year for goof...

sedih... sbb nanti die dah kawen takde la lagi happy hour... and our relationship will have to be different. No more our usual bonding time... hmm...

me? hurm... i just dun understand why sometime i worry bout the whole marriage thingy... i want to settle down, get married and have kids... but the more sensible part of me says that marriage isn't all about someone to share your bed with and make babies... its wayyyy more than just that...

so... tunggu aje la dulu... 2008 is so going to be a stressful year for singlies...

i just... [2]

2008-03-19T08:24:00.003+08:00

in my last entry of me n goldie milestone...i stopped at the part where he asked me out. the plan was to spend a saturday together...October 6th, 2007. i have no idea what his plan was, but he said it was a date, just the two of us. cemas... but i said ok... i was so into him already that time... waiting for his texts and calls... face flustered with afterglows [not from sex though]...

so eager to meet up. nervous and anxious... at other times, i totally forgot what kind of arse he used to be. i turned to be this overly positive and receptive towards him. funny... he texted me daily, on and on and on... he changed from being boring n4s4 to this charming guy... he stopped by at my place when he is in town for meeting and stayed and pretended to read in a cube in from of mine just so that i am within his sight... cute and irresistable...

that friday, we were texting again and i told him i was getting reading to go out when my battery gave away for about 45 mins maybe...when i am back at home, i quickly re-charged my phone and saw few massages asking my whereabouts... cute cute...

he told me that he cant make it saturday... something else came up and thought of seeing me that night itself but its a little late already... say, 2300 hrs? me...being silly said that its okay anyway to meet even if its late... mind you, i got no car... but my father's new car just arrived, so there she goes, jalan2 in a new car... berlagak~

we met in upt0wn. talked and talked until our eyes gave away... tak la... until he said that i probably should go home. hiding my reluctance, i agreed. bid adieu at the car and knocking my head silly for not asking whether or not we will ever go out again. silly. silly.

we texted a few more after that and later i told him what i felt. i told him that he made me happy, i told him i want to spend more time with him. i told him the things that could make him smile. we are an item then, til now...

hope its gonna last...

digital scrapbooking

2008-03-17T10:52:00.002+08:00

i want to try this out. now doing my research on online and digital scrapbooking. i've seen people making magic with it. hope i can make my own miracles. Amin...

banyak keje la...nak cite ape pun tatau...bummer...

back to doing my ppa

bf saya itewww

2008-03-13T09:46:00.002+08:00

my bf has regain his normal composure...he is now being his normal self. well, its kinda confusing as i can't really decide which one is normal...maybe its both normal...i only like to call his 'normal-self' normal because i like him that way. i dun love him less when he is other-than-his-normal-self, but i just prefer the calmness of knowing he is normal and by normal i mean lovely.

exactly 7 days after he first started the episode, he texted. then the next day he called, then, he is his normal self again. xde discount pun. swish~~ and he is my lovely bf again. amazing...

haish...you know. i just love it when he does his usual 'honey, i'm going out with friends...will call you when i'm back'...sweettt~

he is lucky...

2008-03-07T08:12:00.002+08:00

orang kata...sape dpt pasangan rendah ni beruntung...iye ke? biar betul...

i rasa...siapa pun yang rendah...lelaki juga yang untung...

lelaki rendah dpt gf tinggi...die gak untung sbb dpt gf cun, kaki panjang leh belit2 kaki kat leher...

lelaki tinggi dpt gf rendah pun lelaki gak untung...sbb gf montok padat...sungguh enak sekali...

lihat???

i hate you for doing this to me

2008-03-05T14:33:00.002+08:00

i know how people say 'something that you don't understand does't necessarily be wrong'. i hold onto that quote. i truly believe in it. but i also know that something that you don't understand can make you go crazy. really really.

so hear me plead, i want u to quickly return to being your normal self again. its not that i'm loving you less if you're like what you are now, its just that you're driving me really crazy being your-current-self.

u know what, i saw a couple happily smooching on the escalator and i miss doing that with you.

being in love can suck big time too

me being me

2008-03-05T09:15:00.002+08:00

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single.

You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone.

However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating.

Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Do You Need a Man?

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.

You tend to give more than take in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful

But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself

You're the perfect blend of independent and caring

You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

Break Up? Are You Kidding?

You're relationship is top notch, period!

Why are you even taking this quiz? :-)

Maybe you know you've got a good thing going

Or maybe you're a little shaky from a fight

Either way, stick with this guy!

Should You Break Up With Him?

ya ALLAH tenangkanlah hatiku...

2008-03-03T17:04:00.001+08:00

COFFEE AND LIFE

2008-03-02T13:01:00.002+08:00

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee,the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking,some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up,leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups. Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

So, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead"

i got a job offer. i have a big headache. nothing is helping. i want to ask for job transfer. the above story will be my surviving chant if i dont get it.

i hope the journey will be smooth sailing. InsyaALLAH. AMIN

humphhh!!!

2008-03-02T12:47:00.002+08:00

goldie's at it again. again. this is the second episode of IT.

/me sighs

i know i should not ask. but ask i did. and this i get. silent treatment. i can't quite get it why the need of the silent treatment. it doesn't solve the conflict. you should just ask me and i will answer you honestly. if this kind of small thing cant be comprehended and solved, what more bigger things.

humphhh

if its hard for you, it is even tougher for me. i told you as i need your support. now, instead of worrying on only one thing, i have two. oppsss actually 3. i just dont know. i hope you get back to being your normal self soon.

i miss you already...

and i hope you're meeting me next week...erm...tomorrow sayang?

i just have to update today~

2008-02-29T17:25:00.002+08:00

why?

because its February 29, 2008 and it only happens once in 4 years time~

yeay~

sungguh tak adil...

2008-02-27T11:47:00.002+08:00

ever think that life is unfair?

one simple example. do you ever feel that you longed for company so bad. just someone to be by ur side. that person can be utterly quiet and sit still as long as he/she is there, with u? and you want that person to only be your bf/gf/hubby/wifey?

so weird? especially when you were put under ur parents care for a good 20 over years...why cant that person be mommy or daddy? they should know you better to be a comfort in the time of needs aint they?
thats what i am feeling right now. i want goldie to be with me. i know i know its unfair... i nak bf~~

i just...

2008-02-26T08:58:00.003+08:00

i just want to dedicate a few entries to my recent love affair. restraining myself from writing such entry here feels so weird as love is part of me as well. part of life. part of my life. so from now on i will not be bias and write as i may.

suka tak? ***hehehe

i always have issues with lelaki melayu. i feel that they are so vain when in comes to 'flaunting' their affection. !!!gagal. when it is really not that hard. it should not be hard when you can simply be so uncontrolably mad within seconds. why cant you be charming next?

but after so so so long...i am now back to the mainline, dating lelaki melayu. my goldfish. my *blub blub.

we met quite a while ago. if i remember it right, the first time was April 2007 in Kerteh. though i hardly remember the scene despite my hard trials. goldie remembered though, he said we were introduced by azwan, his officemate in office. i remember visiting his office as it was my first time out. back then, he was just another guy. i was happily dating my indian boyfriend that i could not care less bout just another normal malay guy [he appears like one that time].

after that, there was a few phone calls and very few meetings. but then again, still no spark. he is so quiet so no fun guy. sports the serious look all the time. well, i can say he has multiple style of serious and so working hard looks, okay. whenever i am forced to buzz him up, i dread. cuz it means that theres a big issue going on, and i am not in a good mood already, and he would be so himself and that never helps.

but call him i may and i will strive to settle the issue right away. if not settle, then try to just cut the part where i need to deal with him short. he is sooo boring that i took him as a married guy. can imagine??? hehehe

until... september 2007 i was in K*rteh again for a meeting and he was there. i called him earlier to get his assistance to gather a few people for a networking dinner. i remembered that he was in such a good mood, unlike what i get from countless other previous calls. all the time in K*rteh, he was nice and graceful. and i found out that he is actually single! shocking! hehehe. he talked a LOTTT, which makes him appear more normal, or if i may say, human.

i started to like him a little... seriously??? yesss

september 27, 2007, i was in Thailand, got a call from my customer saying that theres quality issue. my boss was by my side and he immediately asked me to call goldie. well, back then he was just n***. so call him i did, and we discussed a little. so little. he promised he would call me back.

i waited for a few good hours though, but still, no call. i called him back, when i am back on Malaysian land to get more information. we talked for a longer while and i heard the 'azan' coming from his end of the line.

me : eh n*** dah azan la. u makan la dulu. we talk again later.

him: okay

me : bye

him: bye

it was ramadhan, hehehe. later that night in the train, i texted him again saying that its too late in the night and i am too tired for more work, so i suggested that we work on it again on monday [27.09.07 is a thursday] with a full hope that my buyer wont be pestering me with solutions, of course.

my buyer did call me over the weekend checking on her cargo so i have no other options but to call him back. aha~~~ so we talked a little, and it followed by few text messages that nite. and a lot more text messages the following night and the coming morning. after a few days of lotsa texts, i figure that he must have liked me. yeay~

do i like him then? i obviously loveee the attention. so i just play along and observe. well, that lasts for 4-5 days aje. he dedicated our love song to me, he even practiced the chorus and sang it to me over the phone. sweet? yes sweet. after that, when he asked me out, i said YES.

its too long of an entry now, i will write more later.

da~~

how to survive long distance relationship

2008-02-25T12:07:00.003+08:00

Q: how do i survive long-distance relationship with a someone who has a boring-straight-forward-old-fashion personality?

A: define boring-straight-forward-old-fashion personality please.

Q: well, he is the one who does the right thing all the time, regardless lovesick or not.

A: darling, you are one lucky lady. he surely is easy to look after. chances are; two timing is never gonna be an issue to you

Q: but sis, i am bored. he puts everything else before me. i have to fight with his boss, his work, his sports training, his gym, his friends tho he doesnt seem to have many of them, his rest [i tell you he sleeps early]. not to mention, his family. but i am not grumbling over family since i will put forth my family anytime. i spent 2 weekends alone.

A: owh darling dont be like that. that shows how hardworking and focus he is. rest assured that he only focus on YOU.

Q: i want him running to my side every thursday nite like what he used to do when we started courting.

A: alah telefon kan ade?

Q: ape ni? sape pulak yang tanya soalan ni? telefon memang la ade. tapi kalao aku je jadi tukang telepon tak ke sakit hati gak?

A: alor...die simpan duet nak wat kawen kot.

Q: huh iye la tu...siapla aku letak hantaran tinggi2 jangan nak tawar pulak. sekeh palo nanti

A: jangan berkira sangat, janji majlis tu lepas ape

Q: eh cincin musti le nak mahal beb~ matching wedding band bulgari ke~ cartier ke~ nak pakai sampai mati nehhh. patu jam pun nak mahal sekali

A: come on, its ure own boyfriend, lover, partner for life. dont be too hard on him

Q: looking at his performance as a boyfriend, i need to re-weigh my options. kadang2 he perform terbaekkk. for instance, when he sent me Kerteh-KL and returned to Kerteh on the same day. well, he could not be staying as there is a major preparation to be done for his upgrading interview. he just doesnt have the heart to let me ride the old staggering bus all the way to KL. kesian jugak die, tapi kan i dah terbus with one super-gorgeous t-shirt. tapi...other times? kadang2 sakit HATIII. how?

A: dont be so calculative, after all, he's your boyfriend.

Q: abes tu die ngan i takpe la pulak?

A: its just him, maybe. just because he doesnt love you the way you want him to, doesnt mean that he doesnt love you with all his might kan? [i hope i get it right]

Q: entah la...i just need attention, time, love, and care... struggle la camni

A: sabar, good things will come your way

Q: hope so too. tapi sampai bile nak macam ni? takkan la when he wants a good dose of juicy pussy je die nak balik jumpa i? [in the situation where, i'm married to him yea...i practice abstinence okay]

A: opppsss... no comment

Q: i rest my case

gotcha

2008-02-22T08:37:00.002+08:00

i finally found HER.

i've been waiting and waiting for suria to update for quite a while. feels like forever to me though. now that she is back within my scrutiny, i feel normal again. !!!stalker.

bukan stalker ler... i am just so used to reading her. well, stories she wrote. so when i could no longer read anything about her, it feels weird. especially when she suddenly stops updating her blog right after delivering her precious baby boy.

weird right? especially [lagi] when other people would start with one immediately after. during my usual blog-hopping activity today, i was linked to her new site which answers my curiosity.

***'mee' ape yang sejuk???

happy weekend~

new found activity

2008-02-21T09:10:00.001+08:00

my newly found reading pleasure .. weee

Thushtruths

no baju kurung on thursdays

2008-02-14T15:08:00.002+08:00

baju kurung adelah diharamkan sama sekali on thursdays.

why?

kerana...

there was this one fateful thursday, i went to work wearing a baju kurung. so cantik ok my baju... after a long long long day at work, when i reached home, i straight away hit the bed to enjoy a great night...

next morning... i was caught by HUGE surprise...

0600 hours friday

r: owh great...saturday FINALLY

0610 hours friday

rahah: eh ape awak buat tu??? pegi la mandi...kan kene pegi keje

wtf?

i thought it was already saturday as i used to only wear baju kurung on fridays. so...untuk tidak memberi harapan palsu kepada diri sendiri, baju kurung adelah diharamkan untuk hari khamis sahaja. sekian, terima kasih

when u see your ex with horns and a spear

2008-02-12T08:00:00.001+08:00

my 3 weeks induction deprived me from updating. it went well though i cannot supress my hatred towards the agony the organizer put me through. ceih. ya rite. where got agony heh? say some people la

i am somewhat grateful for the program. baru la i tau my bf loves me. kalao tak, whenever he pulled his as-though-he-hates-me act, i'll be broken beyond repair. mana larat la kan asik2 nak nangis aje. now, things are sweeter

.

i consider myself obese now. so i need to shed lotsa kilos. i've started my walking for 3 days already and hope to be able to continue. i remember during my intern months i walked every night and i was having my best figure. all shapely and firm. i need to get that figure so that i can slip back into my gorgeous clothes.

she is so gemuk that she has her double chin showing in all her photos. ugly. [ceh harrass diri sendiri so that ade motivation nak kurus].

more, i need to work on my swimming lessons. musti. pastu boset and then i will be off offshore~ i need to plan it up so that i can go with goldie. rasa2 kalao racun die, akan termakan tak pujuk rayu i ye?

the day i met them...

2008-01-16T08:54:00.002+08:00

this is the day i met them. entry of this such should only be made once. i, on the other hand, cannot wait to make sure that this is going to be the ONLY entry. so i guess be prepared to have this entry 'removed' if the situation change for the betterment. well, i actually hope that i wont be forced to do that, i mean; removing this entry la...

the first meet was sometime in november. goldie was here in KL for a meeting, with me of course. and he's staying over for the weekend. i was supposed to send him back to his bro's place in Che**s. it was a wednesday and the meeting group plans to give away a small hari raya gathering for lunch as well. so i was donning my superbly gorgeous baju kurung that fateful day.

so i took him back to my place, help ourselves with some food, and off we go. i already had the impression that goldie would ask me to 'meet the parents' but i didnt dare ask. halfway, i asked,

r: kene masuk ke?

g: iye

r: masuk?

g: ok la takyah masuk, tunjuk muka aje

and goldie made few short calls to make sure everyone is prepared to meet me. *fewwhhh. dengki pun ade jugak kan?

sampai aje, there is this one line of smile-less curious faces staring at me. hows that to explain? hard also right? goldie suddenly got nervous and pretended to be meddling with bag and stunned me just stood there not knowing what to do. should i approach them? or wait for them to come out?

goldie's SIL seems to understand my reluctance to move and approached me first. * fewh and then the rest is history. we talked for a while say, not more than 5 minutes. then i saw goldie's dad keep on poking his head through the blinds to see who was coming. i have no other options but to let my guards down and 'masuk rumah'. haih... and that took up about 10 mins or so...

the first time, goldie said i was doing fine. his mother even commented that i was decent. so okay la...

the second time, it was last week when i went back to melaka. goldie was in muar. we wanted to meet up and he asked me to go all the way to muar okay? bertuah tak bertuah bf aku tu? siap nak bawak g umah lagi. adeh deh. nasib ade baju sopan. tak sangka dapat bf domesticated gile camni.

so ape lagi...pegi la serah diri...asked goldie

r: ok x?

g: ok

r: ape yg ok nye?

g: kete baru, mahal pulak tu, mesti la ok

r: ape u ni? i laaa...ok ke tak?

g: ish, oK

actually, i was just out from some mysterious misunderstanding with goldie. could not understand what he has been up to. he was so quiettt [with capital Q] for a while that i got totally freaked out. i went crying all day for countless days okay? pastu bole plak bile i merungut kat die, die buat keras kepala not wanting to talk about anything else what more discuss on the issue. and then, when we were having some late lunch cum early dinner with him in kerteh, he was back to being his usual self before turning into this super-hard-shelled-hermit again for another few days. lepas tu, he misteriously became normal again. adeh

i actually composed countless Ass-M-Asses to him, but only a few was sent over. yang lain malas nak kecoh2 marah2. at one point of time, i was so worried about being single again. for this few miserable days, his actions managed to convince me that i am about to. now that i already put him in most of my future plans. susah la camni.

i hope i dun have to face that 'period' again. tanak la...seksa la sayang. tapi i have this feeling that there is a good chance that its going to happen again sometime in the future. musti punye. camne ni. tanakkkkk...

looking back at 2007

2008-01-02T11:50:00.000+08:00

i'm joining the 'new-year' bandwagon. reminiscing 2007 and well wishing 2008.

i went through my 2007 resolutions and i figured that i got all that i wanted for 2007. alhamdulillah. though i thought i wished to learn to swim in 2007, i didnt see it on my resolution list. so there it goes, 2007 was really2 successful. alhamdulillah

in 2008, i was thinking bout wanting to get married in 2009. boleh tak? i just want a better relationship with goldfish for 2008. so no wedding dias this year kay? i'll do that next year.

i must learn to swim this year. musti. then do more nature. hiking/ once i master the swimming, i can go holidaying near a beach. and soon, i can get to tone down my size. cool tak? so first thing 2008, swimming lesson. well, after PIPE.

hope fore more love and understanding for everyone. happy new year peeps...

eh eh kenapa tak jadi?

2007-12-24T15:07:00.000+08:00

i didn't get to go to Langkawi, why heh?

my boss wanted me to go to Thailand for a business luncheon which really breaks my heart. so i cancelled going to Langkawi with Family. and spend about a day or so mending my broken heart.

i don't see myself as workaholic but i prioritize equally. a man gotta do what a man gotta do. so after thinking and thinking real hard. i know i have no other option but to cancel my langkawi trip. imagine the look on my sisters face. sakit jiwa okay?

next time, darling, i'll make it up to you

langkawi

2007-12-11T10:01:00.000+08:00

this year is a year full of holidays~ my family and i have gone literally everywhere. normally its just our usual balik kampung trips. but not in 2007 babe~ we went to pahang, kedah, cameron, fraser's and soon... the legendary Langkawi!!! lalala nyam nyam

its gonna be a LONGGGGGGGG weekend away and i hope to be able to utilize it. check this space again when i'm back yar?

saya...

2007-11-22T11:45:00.000+08:00

sayang bf saya. tapi skrg ni saya rindu die lebih dari saya sayang die.

for the first time EVER, i HATE long distance relationship. gile saiko. i've never been near in ALL my previous relationships. tak pernah. i never wanted to be near also. but this time, its so different. i longed for him, could not get enough of him, craved for his touch, and i got all emotional whenever he's leaving.

gile corny. tomorrow's my birthday and my bf is away again. sucky!!!

what a kisser~

2007-11-16T10:31:00.000+08:00

You’re a steamy kisser!

Your hot-and-heavy kissing style can turn even the meekest of make-outs into a full-contact sport. You keep the object of your affection afire by grabbing and holding on tight—then steaming up the windows. ...

kalao bf tak sayang aku mmg tak patut kan?

u...

2007-11-15T17:08:00.000+08:00

If I am pressed to say why I loved u, I can only say: "Because it was u; because it was me."

lalala nyam nyam

2007-11-04T12:22:00.000+08:00

kenapa...

saya begitu popular dengan mimpi kawen paksa?

my first nightmare was some highschool x-bf. what makes it worse was i get to do it with style. that was one great do, i was clad in a gorgeous outfit and it was done just the way i would have done it, given choice of course. the only bummer is the groom. hahaha

next; acurch. that was one niceee one. i dreamed of him twice. well, when i'm on the verge of breaking up. huhuhu. he is sort of my break up cue.

most recent; today. some nameless faceless guy with kay-poh mom. the guy also gave me some fugly purple gold ring. i could not imagine settling down with a person with that lousy taste. it somehow makes me think he does not 'choose' me. he is just 'with' me as i am convenient. horror.

paling takleh terima sekali; ade ke mimpi macam tu when u are so madly in love with a gorgeous guy who has great taste. dang it!

i wanna write and im forcing myself to do so

2007-10-17T09:21:00.000+08:00

i always have this weird feeling about festives & family gatherings. i hate weddings, open houses, pot lucks, birthdays, engagements, 'discussion', all the hari rayas. last but not least, i hate the reasons they use to organize multiple sort of kenduris. tak tahannnnn

so the same goes to my last hari raya. i was forced to do the visiting. my first hari raya ever visiting from 0900 - 2300. imagine, kawan2. bole tahan tak? the same stinky see through baju kurung all the way till wee hours. gile tak gile nye. gatal2 badan aku. i dun normally do the visiting. the moment i got my driving lisence i am totally saved from visiting. i will go back to my mom's foster parents' place & sleep & chill til hari raya is over. this time, i could not be the same as my smaller cousins were down with chicken pox & i dun wanna risk myself getting infected.

but i do enjoy the eating part. being sick for about the whole ramadhan, give and take a few days of course, god gave me back my appetite on the first syawal. eid mubarak~ i did say NO to nothing. semua taram~ so i gained back the KGs. so there goes the 10 pounds i shed during ramadhan. i went kambing kambing kambing all the way. heaven~

the whole other things were bearable though. i got lesser ang pao but i managed to convinve some that i still want it & should be given my share. i do contribute also. in fact, this is the first year i do so. rasa tu-wa beb~ i hope i can give to more people next year.

other than that, i have a LOVEly hari raya. LOVEly.

jejaka itu~

2007-10-01T11:23:00.000+08:00

i know i should not be advertising this on the net. but i just cant control myself. die sungguh menarik. ala-ala magnet gitu. rasa cam tak tentu arah dada i ni~ huarghhh~

monday: TRADE UP

2007-09-24T09:04:00.000+08:00

lalala nyam nyam. i have a new project!!! its called "TRADE UP". i am going to give a biGGG transformation to my blog. can't wait can't wait.

the only bummer is; i dun have readers. when i sat up this blog, i refused to promote it to my friends as i was hoping i can attract crowd. somehow or rather i doesn't seem to work. how la weih.

/me away to think more

bug

2007-09-20T13:31:00.000+08:00

i caught the bug. flu bug. my throat is torturing me. now i regret (only slightly) for skipping work on tuesday. or else esok i can ponteng like theres no tomorrow. how ley?

perangai org gile: jejaka yang membuat pendedahan gambar cleavage anak die. bole tak? kes bapa jual anak ni

beautiful

2007-09-19T17:27:00.000+08:00

i've seen a very beautiful thing. so sweet and serene. so easy on my eyes. it makes my heart skip a beat with each sight.

me being a sagittarian, i cant trust my feeling for things. it never lasts

great day peeps~

post it

2007-09-18T10:58:00.000+08:00

when youre down; go to

http://postsecret.blogspot.com

u'll feel normal again. i promise